Flouncy

Brilliant!

I've just noticed the inside of my new work trouser say 'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy' in flouncy, metallic lavender writing.

I have promptly ordered two more pairs in the hope that they have other random proverbs embroidered into them.

I'm hoping for 'An idle brain is the Devil's workshop' and 'Never cast a clout before is May is out'.

Yeah?

dave
x

Very Good

GOSH.

55, Camden

Two for one on cocktails is surely the best idea in the world:

"Hi, I'd like four cocktails please."

"OK. It's two for one so do you want four or eight?"

"EIGHT."

This didn't go on and on until I ended up with infinity cocktails, but mostly only because somebody stopped me.

Infinity cocktails tho - and only for infinity/2 pounds!

dave
x

Zing!

I made it all new and shiny!

Since Col hasn't actually ever blogged on this site at all ever, I've taken her name out of the title. Still the same blog, just with 100% less Col. Actually it contains the same amount of Col (zero).

Anyway, just watching 'Shrink Rap' with Stephen Fry. Leading questions, anyone?

dave
x

Really Fucking Wet

Hello campers!

Or:

Fuck off you sodden bastards!

So anyway I went camping on my birthday weekend and it was really, really rainy. I mean pretty much non-stop rain here guys. It was very amusing though and relief came in the form of steak and ale pies, cosmopolitans, toasted marshmallows and sleeping inside cars.

Our £15 tent from ASDA didn't really cut the waterproofing mustard, so we called it the Cockaleekie Sog. Now she's stuffed into her 'handy carry sack', rotting in her own worthless moistness. This will hopefully learn her for masquerading as a tent when she is, clearly, three blue umbrellas stitched together by some blind lady in Asdastan WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT BRITISH SUMMERS.

dave
x

Hairdressers

Alway hedging their bets with me:

Q magazine,
Mens' Health,
Marie Claire.

Every. Single. Time.

Why she is Special Aunt

From: Anna
To: David

+++ WHAT IS YOUR NAME +++

From: David
To: Anna

+++//<ERROR: I LIKE YOU ARE BEARD>\\+++

From: Anna
To: David

+++<CHANGE MANNER[..]/BABS>+++

+++MEEEEMORIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES+++

From: David
To: Anna

+++<UPLD[..]/CATS>+++

+++<GETDATA//MGCL MR MSTFLES/CHORUS>+++

+++//SUM_IF(LYRICS=RIDICULOUS)//+++

+++ERR: NaN (inf)+++

From: Anna
To: David

+++SAP_ERR+++

+++MSG//DO NOT KNOW CATS YOU FREAK//+++

From: David
To: Anna

[lyrics to Magical Mr Misstofolees]

BE TOLD




From: Anna
To: David

+++RUNCMD BETOLD+++

+++//APPLY_TO_USER/DAVID>+++

+++ANDREWLOYDWEBBER/BADNESS+++

+++ERROR+++

+++SYSTEMCRITICAL+++

That and the knitting, yeah Jean?

And...

Relax.

My dabblings in editing HTML code (OK, not really I just deleted four numbers) and serif fonts can be found here:

i could knit that

Well done to Jean for actually doing some blogging. Now I've finished adjusting the banner PIXEL BY PIXEL until it's the right size, I might get some stuff written!

dave
x

Group Texting and Other Ways to Make Contact

This is what I looked like between the ages of 11 and 17.
As you can imagine, I was a real hit generally.

Oh well look some of my old secondary school friends have caught up with me on Facebook - some of whom weren't so hot on the 6th Form Leavers' Prom coming out stunt I pulled.

Slightly hideous, slightly uncomfortable, mostly VERY AMUSING.

The internet truly does rock.

Dave
x

Pretty Boy

Charlize Theron, eh? I'd like to thank:

1. My shapely eyebrows
2. My comely manner

Also quite happy with Avram Hershko, winner of the 2004 Nobel Prize in Chemistry. YEAH!

Doubly so Alizee, who sang 'Moi Lollita', possibly the best French song I have ever heard.

dave
x

Fuck off HSBC, yeah?

Bloody arseholes blocked my card for taking the apparently fraudulent step of actually using it to buy something.

"Well £200 is a lot of money to spend online, Mr Sauntson, so we blocked the transaction to see if it was genuine. Did you go to ASDA last night?"

"Yes I did go to fucking ASDA, what is this? Nineteen-eighty-fucking-four? Now here's a fucking idea: FUCK OFF, stop monitoring my every move and let me buy a Wii. It's hard enough as it is you cunts."

"I notice you have a savings account with us Mr Sauntson - would you like a credit card?"

"ARRRRRGHGHHGH I HATE AND YOUR LOGO'S SHIT LIKE YOUR INTEREST RATES."

"Thanks for calling then."

Twats.

NYC

Things I learned:

1. No matter how much you've eaten, there's always room for a $2 hotdog.
2. How to work out 20% of any bill really quickly.
3. Americans tip too much.
4. I want to work for the UN.
5. I want to be in a Broadway musical.
6. My little camera is in fact a bit shit.
7. Hailing a yellow taxi DOES make you feel like you're in a film.
8. I can go a week without knitting and not die or kill people.
9. I'm not very good at spending every day with the same person for more than two days.
10. Shopping for musical scores whilst drunk at half one in the morning is a legitimate and enjoyable holiday activity.
11. In America: bread = brioche.
12. Long haul makes my ankles swell.
13. Queuing's shit.

More photos to follow.

Dave
x

Easter-tastic

Oh well look, what a lovely Easter based bank holiday!

Started off with a barbecue at my house with Special Arnt and Sister (I made kebabs) and then a trip to the other Special Arnt in Brighton. Brilliant weather, brilliant food and a discarded 18" dong on the street. What more can you ask for?

The most obvious answer is of course knitting, of which there was also some - I made another iPod cover, check it.

I'm thinking about starting a new knitting based blog, although me being me I might not bother. I feel like the second hand joy emporium really only has one owner these days (and to my knowledge a mere two customers) and that it's not really an appropriate forum for endless knitting posts. Also I'll get to play around in Illustrator to make a new banner, which is surely always fun.

In the meantime, there's more on flickr and also this is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

dave
x

More Knitting

Look! I've finished my first thing that isn't a scarf! I made this iPod cover for my friend Heather in about 4 hours. It's all very exciting, especially now I've learned to do a picot hem. A bespoke iPod cover can be yours for a mere £5.

I've set up a dedicated flickr stream here, because everyone loves pictures of knitting, yeah?

It's an exciting world out there, knitters!

dave
x

Oh well look

It's just been too long! Sorry about that, I have been distracted by a HOST of things. Not least of which is Working from Home or, as I like to call it, the Internet. Hang on, that is the same as Working at Work, hurrah!

Other things I have been distracted by are:

1. ANTM Cycle 7

Oh my God it's actually brilliant. This week's episode was utter genius, mostly due to the fine modeling work of Fabio, a big fugly Italian with absolutely too much hair. fourfour writes a much better precis than I ever could, but I would like to draw your attention to Brooke's genius insight: "Sometimes being young is a little overwhelming".

In which Brooke defies spina bifida, attempts to put her estranged parents' marriage back together, masturbates furiously and all while menstruating all over everything.
(fourfour)

2. Knitting

The project is coming along very nicely. The back panel is complete and I've just started the front which will be very exciting, mostly because it will have two colours AND two stitches.

Check out the stitch change on that!

3. Battlestar Galactica

This is also absolutely brilliant. Seriously.


4. Jeremy Kyle

But only because LK Today has ended and the telly is all the way over there. This man is actually awful and a little bit stupid. Bring back the Kilroy, that's what I say.

Right, to the spreadsheets!

dave
x

Sunday Photo Club

ROCKS MY WORLD!

Check out my new flickr photostream, isn't it.

dave
x

Smack My Stitch Up

Oh my God I am actually knackered. Probably because I've been knitting like a bitch.

Yes, knitting.

Introduced to me by my housemate, my new friend knitting has completely revolutionized my life! Well not actually revolutionized it, but certainly made it more woolly. There's something about it that's so absorbing I'm not really sure how to convince those of you that aren't 78+ / from my mum's side of the family that it really is fun. And I mean really fun here guys, not like giddy dancing based fun, more like proper all out vodka dancing with a beautiful man at a live ABBA concert fun. Knitting Fun.

And then, last night, I discovered the world of intarsia, which is like having Knitting Fun, but only with two balls of yarn at the same time. I totally channeled my Grandmother. Check it out:


LOOK THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT COLOURS IN THE SAME PIECE OF KNITTING! I'm not being funny here, but come on, how can this be anything apart the best thing in the world ever.

I've already made a scarf for my sister's birthday and frankly I am shit hot at this shit, bitches. (Less so with the channeling of my Grandmother just then.)

Right, I'm off to master rib stitch, and then get some fairisle on the go. Be afraid, be very afraid!

dave
x

Blech

Gosh I was drunk. Now I'm hideously hungover. Brillo!


Here's another picture:

Isn't it just so spinny tho?

It's just that I'm a little bit drunk. On two things: actual alcohol and also love for my new and very special laptop, demonstrated in picture format below. After weighing up the options (ie buying a MacBook and not buying a MacBook) I decided that the only way of actually resolving the situation was to, in fact, buy a MacBook and see what happened.

This is what happened:

1. I go to the Apple shop and have a look at the MacBooks. You can touch them and you don't to pay anything!
2. I ask the shop assistant man (Hong) about buying one and if I can customise one in-store.
3. I find out that customising one in-store costs actually twice the amount online research would lead you expect.
4. I buy an uncustomised 2GHz, 80GB HD, shiny white MacBook in-store.
5. I come home. I unwrap the MacBook in a slow, clam, inimitable mood of joy.
6. I use the MacBook to sort my photos, my music, my documents and my PLOT into some sort of order.

And that's pretty much it. Also I am drunk and might be a bit in love with a boy, but let us not talk about that since it'll probably lead to nowhere, yes?

Night all, a more sober blog to follow soon.

dave
xxx